During the time I lived in France, a friend of mine from the DRC drove another Congolese friend and me several hundred miles on a journey. At the end of our trip, as we arrived at my house, I offered the driver petrol money, which he made a show of declining – somewhat half-heartedly, it seemed to me – so I pressed a banknote into the breast pocket of his shirt, patting it gently as I did so.
As we got out of the car, my other friend gently reprimanded me and explained that I had committed a grave breach of etiquette. It seems that, outside of commercial transactions, it is considered ill-mannered to give money in this fashion. I should apparently have folded the banknote discreetly in my right hand, then subtly transferred it to my friend’s palm as we shook hands, where it would have been gratefully received without embarrassment.
When I later had had more experience of living in Congo, this gracious little custom started to seem incongruously coy, given the endemic corruption. But, as Congo remains a resolutely cash economy, it helps to know the unwritten rules. Manners maketh man.
Manners are such a subjective concept, though. The British in general, and the English in particular, like to think they are well-mannered. Yet there are whole books devoted to the difference between what the British say and what they really mean. “That’s very interesting,” can very easily be code for: “I’ve never heard anything so boring in my whole life!” It is therefore a big mistake to interpret differences in behaviour in the light of our own culture. What we consider as good manners is viewed as baffling hypocrisy by others.
When greeting a stranger for the first time, many older people in Congo will extend the right hand, as if to shake hands, but the left arm will be placed under the right elbow, and the subsequent handshake with the arm in this position will be accompanied with a little bow. The effect is surprisingly oriental, but the custom is deep rooted. This lovely gesture is sometimes called luzitu, a Kikongo word meaning, ‘respect.’ Manners.
And it is the right hand that must always be used to give anything to another person. As in Islamic culture, the use of the left is likely to give grave offense. If the right hand cannot be offered to shake because it is dirty or otherwise engaged, the right wrist or elbow can be used instead. Some form of contact must be made; a simple wave or smile would be considered insufficiently respectful.
This is an extract from Congo: A Story in 26 Words: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D9KRRSK9
